Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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