Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
