i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
