Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
