swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
