I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
