do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
