Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
