I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
