I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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