This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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