It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
