Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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