Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
