another moral hangover. fuck.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
