You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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