Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
