Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
