In the future we'll all be gay
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
