so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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