what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My ass is underappreciated
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
