So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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