i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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