Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
