At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
