his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
