Apparently you make a good broom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
