Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
