There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
