Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
