I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she peed on how many people?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
