remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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