I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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