that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
