she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just googled if crying burns calories
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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