it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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