She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
