I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
