i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
don't judge my taste in strippers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
