I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
