p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
