Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
