Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
