i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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