I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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