somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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