I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I still have a little drunk in my system
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
