So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
