Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
