Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I smell stomach acid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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