If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
